10th December, 2014. 7:35 am. Almost Done
Graduate school is truly a humbling experience. Yesterday I gave my last presentation for the semester which resulted in being critiqued in front of the entire class (8 other folks, plus Dr. Eaton). In effect, this has shattered my confidence. I feel dejected and unable to cope with graduate school. From this, you may gather, that my imposter syndrome has yet to leave me.
Especially in consideration of the other night when Laura Cirillo seemed to indicate that not everybody in my cohort was accepted based on merit. I was looking at my presentation when that was said and when I looked up I felt she was looking my way. This gives me the impression that I am receiving some sort of special treatment, which makes me sick to think about. I want to be treated equally as everybody else.
29th October, 2014. 12:01 am. Grad School
Just an FYI about grad school: the students are no better than anyone else! Seriously. What irritates me the most is the fact that there are several people who believe that they're ability to critique authors makes them intelligent folk. Certainly, there's something to be said about being able to analyze something with a critical eye. However, critique is cheap. I'm not saying this out of some self-pitying trip. I haven't been critiqued. It's the pompousness that the other students critique the work of the past. Perhaps I'm foolish to hold it in such reverence. Je ne sais pas.
7th October, 2014. 7:39 am. Ghosts in the Statues
I remember when I was a child hearing a story about ghosts in statues, statues in cemeteries that would come to life and kill those in the vicinity. I have recently read an article of a similar nature, describing statues that are inhabited by ghosts in a place called Ain Ghazal.
21st April, 2014. 4:50 am. Easter
At 10 PM last night a man with sloppy tear drop tattoos came to our door. He was in his 40s, sporting an odd sort of Mohawk, wearing a baggy sweater, baggy pants, and black and red sneakers. He told me a policeman had taken his dog and his backpack away and that he was also from Tennessee.
While already an imposing figure, he proceeded to brazenly ask if he could take a shower and have a drink with us. I kept the door pretty much closed and bear in mind that the porch light was off until I came to the door, so I'm not sure what made this guy think our house is welcoming. I told him no and he proceeded to tell me in an odd sort of way that I will go to hell for my inhospitable behavior. I told him I don't believe the bible or any religion and slammed the door. I then, out of terror of him returning, called the police. Happy Easter, y'all...
23rd January, 2014. 8:40 pm. Relationships
I hate being this person, but relationships are difficult. Syd is becoming an entirely obnoxious person. Maybe it's me, though. After all, I did divorce young... Ahh me...
15th January, 2014. 8:22 pm. A Bit Depressed
I have to say that I'm not feeling entirely happy these days. I don't know what's bothering me, but I can't help but feel saddened for some reason.
8th January, 2014. 9:09 am. CSSJ.UNI, Part II
Eventually I grew tired of playing this computer game. While I found it unnerving and mildly intriguing that some of the events it depicted were rather relate-able to passed dreams, I considered it to be no more profound than a psychic who cozens one for monetary purposes. I pushed it aside and went on with my life.
Like many games, however, I eventually found myself in the mood to continue playing it. After booting up my computer I also thought it would be interesting to look up more about the game's origin: who the creators are, how they came up with the idea, and, perhaps, the reactions of other players. While doing a short search online I came across the website from which I downloaded it. The main page summarized its creators in one sentence, "Talented youth who are thinking of you." Since the website said little more on the subject of the games creation, another brief search revealed a reviews tab which I immediately opened.
The smattering of reviews I read were terrifyingly interesting. Some claimed that the game had brought up remembrances from years ago--some that were nearly forgotten and scorned for their resurgence. I came upon one that saddened me, and it went something like this (typos included):
"let me begin by saying im mother who has never played this game.
3rd January, 2014. 3:35 pm. Birthday Thoughts
I'm almost 25 years old. I don't know what I'll do to celebrate. I think I might continue my yoga regimen and maybe read a little more. (I've been into reading lately...) Boring? Perhaps...
6th December, 2013. 8:55 am. Happy
Presently enjoying a hot cup of coffee, ham and potato soup, and Pendegast in his most recent adventure. This is a good morning :)
4th November, 2013. 6:37 pm. Reassuring
I just found out that the only individual with whom I was ever in a physical confrontation with (in 8th grade) is in jail. How do I feel? Sad... yet not surprised.